"Emergency!" Sgiggs screamed, ejecting himself from the tub like it was a burning car. "Dial ‘one’! Get room service! Code red!" Stiggs was on the phone immediately, ordering more rose blossoms, because, according to him, the ones floating in the tub had suddenly lost their smell. "I demand smell," he shrilled. "I expecting total uninterrupted smell from these f*cking roses." Unfortunately, the service captain didn’t realize that the Stiggs situation involved fifty roses. "What am I going to do with this?" Stiggs sneered at the weaseling hotel goon when he appeared at our door holding a single flower floating in a brandy glass. Stiggs’s tirade was great. "Do you see this bathtub? Do you notice any difference between the size of the tub and the size of that spindly wad of petals in your hand? I need total bath coverage. I need a completely solid layer of roses all around me like puffing factories of smell, attacking me with their smell and power-ramming big stinking concentrations of rose odor up my nostrils until I’m wasted with pleasure." It wasn’t long before we got so dissatisfied with this incompetence that we bolted. — The Utterly Monstrous, Mind-Roasting Summer of O.C. and Stiggs, National Lampoon, October 1982 



It is not best to swap horses while crossing the river. — Abraham Lincoln 



"Live or die, I’ll make a million." — Reebus Kneebus, before his jump to the center of the earth, Firesign Theater 



"Mr. Watson, come here, I want you." — Alexander Graham Bell 



Humanity has the stars in its future, and that future is too important to be lost under the burden of juvenile folly and ignorant superstition. - Isaac Asimov 

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